What do you think?

Amanda · Subject: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:26 am

Okay, so this question stems from Beth's journal section.

Do you think it's okay to compliment a person other than your spouse or significant other on his or her looks? Or does it just depend on how it's given?

For example, Bran said that he vowed to "denut" anyone that ogles his wife.

How exactly do you define ogling? According to Webster, to ogle someone is to stare at them impertinently, flirtatiously, or amorously. Do you agree/disagree?

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I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:39 am

I know that a lot of people take jealousy too far. Brandon is one, but hes just a VERY protective person, as you all know.
I don't think that "looking" at other women/men is good because with looking often comes thoughts, and thoughts are what get you into trouble. But i also don't think that looking at someone beautiful/handsome and saying, wow, they are attractive is wrong.
When Brandon and i see someone thats attractive on TV we often comment about it.
However, i think that saying something about someones spouse is usually uncalled for because its just too personal. You know, you actually know the person your talking about. Just like Brandon would never say to his friend Troy that his wife is beautiful, eventhough i would have to agree that she is.

Hmm, did that make any sense? It sounded good in my head but now that i read it, i think i confused myself lol!

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:45 am

Bethie wrote:

However, i think that saying something about someones spouse is usually uncalled for because its just too personal. You know, you actually know the person your talking about. Just like Brandon would never say to his friend Troy that his wife is beautiful, eventhough i would have to agree that she is.

Hmm, did that make any sense? It sounded good in my head but now that i read it, i think i confused myself lol!

So knowing a person changes whether it's okay to compliment them? Or is it the level on which you know them? I mean.....casual acquaintance versus close friend?

I think jealousy and insecurity play a role in how we receive compliments. Also, I think the setting in which the compliment is given plays a role.

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:53 am

Amanda wrote:

So knowing a person changes whether it's okay to compliment them? Or is it the level on which you know them? I mean.....casual acquaintance versus close friend?

I think it certainly does make a difference. But if you know them, you should also know whether it would be ok to "compliment" the persons spouse. Like most of you know Brandon doesn't take well to people talking about me, good or bad. But some guys love that others think their wives are hot.

Amanda wrote:

I think jealousy and insecurity play a role in how we receive compliments. Also, I think the setting in which the compliment is given plays a role.

It sure does.
The compliment itself makes a huge difference. Like "wow, you look great" would be different than other things that can be said (no need for me to say any, you all know what i'm talking about).

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:07 am

Bethie wrote:

Amanda wrote:

So knowing a person changes whether it's okay to compliment them? Or is it the level on which you know them? I mean.....casual acquaintance versus close friend?

I think it certainly does make a difference. But if you know them, you should also know whether it would be ok to "compliment" the persons spouse. Like most of you know Brandon doesn't take well to people talking about me, good or bad. But some guys love that others think their wives are hot.

Well, see. Then that leads me to another question. Is it up to a would-be complimenter to fully know, consider, and understand how a compliment would be received before giving one?

Or, is it up to the person receiving the compliment, or that person's spouse or siginificant other to simply take the compliment for what it is? A kind word, meant completely harmlessly, to uplift one's spirit.

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:11 am

I think the complimenter should definately think about it before they say it and atleast decide how to say it respectfully.
THEN the person complimented as well as the significant other has to decide whether it was meant in a kind way or a derogatory way.

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:17 am

Bethie wrote:

I think the complimenter should definately think about it before they say it and atleast decide how to say it respectfully.
THEN the person complimented as well as the significant other has to decide whether it was meant in a kind way or a derogatory way.

How can a compliment be meant in a derogatory way?

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:21 am

Well, would you rather someone say your hot or beautiful?
One way sounds like the person is thinking about you in a less than honorable way.

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:23 am

And i think that "compliment" is being used loosely, i think "comment" is more like it.

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:33 am

Bethie wrote:

Well, would you rather someone say your hot or beautiful?
One way sounds like the person is thinking about you in a less than honorable way.

Honestly, it wouldn't matter. I think of them both as meaning "looks good."

I consider "hot" to be slang for beautiful or attractive.

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:34 am

Bethie wrote:

And i think that "compliment" is being used loosely, i think "comment" is more like it.

This discussion was started as a generalized question. The only reason for my reference to a specific example is because that was what got me thinking. I'm not using the word "compliment" loosely, as that is what the question was based on. If you are discussing "comments," that's another issue entirely.

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Lynelle · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:34 am

I always try to stay on the safe side, and compliment someone on, lets say, the color of their dress, shirt whatever. Usually when I compliment it's not because someone has dressed up (in order to get people to notice them), I compliment when I notice that someone is looking down or like they need a kind word. And I don't just compliment people that are attractive, feeding vanity is NOT my thing. And I would NEVER compiment another persons spouse that would in any way be misconstrued as an inuendo.

All this has an acception of course, my daughters and their hubby's are the most beautiful, talented, smart and well adjusted that I have ever seen. And Tyler and Lee are just plain goot lookin'.

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To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to the stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear on cheerfully, do all bravely, awaiting occasions, worry never; in a word to, like the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common."--William Henry Channing

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:41 am

Amanda wrote:

Bethie wrote:

And i think that "compliment" is being used loosely, i think "comment" is more like it.

This discussion was started as a generalized question. The only reason for my reference to a specific example is because that was what got me thinking. I'm not using the word "compliment" loosely, as that is what the question was based on. If you are discussing "comments," that's another issue entirely.

I meant that I was using compliment too loosely.
I don't find Hot or Smokin' to be an acceptable "compliment" about someone elses wife. I think thats what upset Brandon. Thats all.

I'm with you Lynelle. When i compliment, its about clothing, or maybe a hairstyle or things like that.

Amanda · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:52 am

Bethie wrote:

I don't find Hot or Smokin' to be an acceptable "compliment" about someone elses wife. I think thats what upset Brandon. Thats all.

I'm with you Lynelle. When i compliment, its about clothing, or maybe a hairstyle or things like that.

Then it's simply a difference in opinions and they way we define things. I'm sorry that Brandon or you were upset by the comment. At the same time, I view it differently than you do, so it's hard for me to understand why you were upset. But again, I'm sorry you took the statement to mean anything other than what it was.

_________________
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges

Bethie · Subject: Re: What do you think? Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:53 am

I wasn't upset by it(eventhough i don't think that you should say those things about someone elses wife) but Brandon is much more sensitive about things like that.
Of course, if someone had said something to Brandon, i would have likely been upset too, i wouldn't have said anything, though.
I mean, i get mad when i hear that women are waving to him in traffic or when he translates for a Latino and the woman hes talking to starts giggling and laughing and he hasn't said anything funny or when women give him their business cards and tell him to call them anytime if he needs anything (all true stories), but i also TRY to take it as a compliment to me since i am the one that actually HAS him... Wink

Anyhoo, sorry, that was a little off topic.

But yes, everyone will take things differently, its just like posts...you have to be careful what you say because you never know how someone will perceive something differently than what you actually mean.